March 19th or something

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

So say Keith Urban's lyrics but we here at TVFR tend to take a dim view when the clowns take up rifles in strategic vantage points around the central square where the president is making a speech to a disgruntled crowd.

London's Times Online brings us news of vote rigging and strong arm tactics marking this election as pretty damn smelly.

But before you Americans get all hyperactive and start looking for Charlton Heston's phone number, the election we're talking about isn't yours from 2 years ago, it was in Belarus this weekend.

Too bad for Belarus, we westerners don't care. It is obvious we don't due solely to the fact that if we did, we would have done something about it. Unfortunately for Belarus they have nothing the US wants, using more oil than they can make - and not in a United States way. That oil isn't even used to make bombs or guns or factories or anything cool and scary, neh, all that deficit just gets sucked into the vacuum of failed socialism.

(Interestingly enough, if you look at this map of Belarus, its capital, Minsk, looks like it sits in a pair of crosshairs.)

We're just bringing you this report because it sounded so familiar.

~

In a move to oust God as leader of the known universe, Australian physicists from Macquarie University have found "the best evidence yet that the universe expanded from the size of a marble to the vastness of known space in the first trillion trillion trillionth of a second of its existence. Space, it says, is big. Really big. And if their evidence proves their theories, it's also faster than a Somalian with a McDonalds voucher.

That one stung and I only know the Somalian that picked the beans for my coffee - my "supplier" if you would.

Because it's a slow news day today, here are two quaint observations from the article: "It appears that the infant universe had the kind of growth spurt that would alarm any mom or dad" Yeah, we're laughing our arses off too.

I am a pompous scientist, I have the temerity to call the universe an infant when -in comparison to... everthing we know to exist- it is the oldest thing, ever - Mr Johns Hopkins scientist. The real piss off here is that he made this less than true remark (news talk for bullshit) twice! Our Universe is in Johns Hopkins wherein I can only see toasting of tosspots at many an elite only cocktail party.

"What caused that growth spurt? Cosmologists suspect it was the breakdown of a "superforce" that co-existed with the force of gravity. It split into the electromagnetic force and the strong and weak nuclear forces. But to find out for sure, Professor Davies says the next step is to obtain evidence about exactly what went on during the inflation phase."

By the way, we realize that -so long as your religion allows- this is old news, for you allowed by your preception of a higher power the universe has been expanding at a rate that doesn't really matter. Everything in it is expanding at the same exact rate so to everyone watching -without trillions of dollars in financing- nothing is happening out of the ordinary.

Oliver Stone is going to turn this whole concept into a blockbuster political thriller.

The breakdown of the United States of the middle of North America, which co-existed with The Coalition of the Willing, split into rival factions and the strong nuclear force (us) and the weak nuclear force (them).

Intrepid freedom fighter, Charlton Heston is sent to find the evidence about the causation of the massive inflation which caused the break up and the trail leads straight to Rupert Murdoch.

Meanwhile, Michael Moore sits in a self-storage unit in New York screaming "I am not an animal." But he would like his burrito.

~

Ahem.

The Baltimore Sun got itself stuck between the devilled egg sandwiches and the deep fried chicken dish today with this little number on the problem of obesity.

I don't see it as a problem, more a solution.

Oh, shit...

Anyone stupid enough not to change their ways by eating less and exercising more has what's coming to them. I know some of you are "big boned" or "on growth hormones for your allergies" or even "short for your weight" but that's a crock of shit and you people better get out there before the excess gravity implodes your fat "marbled" hearts.

Everyone knows the food industry spends billions on advertising and media outlets derive 99% of their revenue from advertising. It's a brave move to run stories about dieting and exercise when you face the prospect of losing advertising revenue from the very people who provided the catalyst for the story in the first place.

So we think a bit of kudos is due the Baltimore Sun for the story. (And because we like to make fun at the expense of fat pigs who subscribe to the view that satiation equals happiness. They'd eat their own children if they could upsize their fries and coke for no extra cost.)

Dude, could you like, imagine and stuff if like, super sized were free and stuff?

You mean...



Companies have tried to help people make better choices, says Robert Earl of the Food Products Association, a lobbying group that indicts sedentary lifestyles and poor choices, offering healthier products and more nutrition data.

But critics call Earl's assessment disingenuous. Personal responsibility has limits in the face of a multibillion-dollar marketing whirlwind pushing countless high-calorie treats.

That is true, you Americans are easily swayed by propag-- no wait, advertising.

Turn the television off and go outside.
Or not, God loves you either way right?. One thing for sure is you have two choices and one will have you meet him faster.

"[Food companies] are putting $36 billion into directing those choices," says Marion Nestle,(Now there's an unfortunate name!) a nutrition professor at New York University and critic of the food industry. "And their methods are very effective."

They know what you greasebags (non greasebags excluded) want... and its bags of grease.

Personal responsibility also falters when it comes to children, who are bombarded by junk food ads that undermine parents.

Parents, your kids are only your responsibility. As a person who once was a child, there is a very fine line to how much "no" they can take. But if you avoid fake ideas like Superman, Santa, and The Easter Bunny (Pink is for flowers, not bunnies) and teach them real ideas like obesity will kill you and, running is fun and good for you, then they might go on and amount to something that can be measured in more than just mass.

Turn the television off and go outside.
Or don't; God, love, etc. (see above)

Nestle acknowledges that it becomes a chicken-or-egg question. Lifestyles have changed, and Americans want to eat big and on the run. Did that lead food companies to change, or did new products change Americans?

Turn the television off and go outside.

Industry officials contend that market demand and a sense of social responsibility are better catalysts for change, they say.

Is TVFR the only news source with any sense? Turn the fucking television off and go outside, you fat bastards.
Still, you should check TVFR everyday for mental exercise, then get the fuck outdoors.

Absolutely.

Big fat disclaimer: TVFR is brought to you by AutoBoston.com and

Like that? Yeah, we can sell it out to the man too!