22nd March, 2006. International Day of the Yawn.
It's sleepy hollow here at TVFR today, where we break news like the wind, because we reported the rigged election in Belarus 3 days ago and at the time of this writing, 1851 news sources from around the world are still banging on about it.
You may be expecting something along the lines of a year reference for the number 1851. January 1, 1851 was a Monday. There, happy? Also this was the year news went for shit with The New York Times being founded.
One day earlier, we told you about the student unrest in Paris. Now, 4 days later, there are 926 people catching up to us.
Tell them what they've won! By the way, 926BC didn't see much action, just some stuff in Korea but you people don't even care about their nuclear weapons program so I won't bore you with thier culture.
Though fewer in number, the significance of 90-odd blatts updating the story on the Thai prime minister that we told you about a whole week ago proves yet again that TVFR is your best source of information EVER.
Aint he modest. But, straight from the lips of a god (we asked the ass end of a dog), this is the best radio news never simulcast to the globe.
We don't just bring you the newest news, we get into its cupboards and chew holes in its Weeties packets as well. We don't just bring you stories about what's going on, we make it relevant. Truly, very fucking relevant.
It's relevant... I swear, even if our tangents are not, the news we chew for you is real.
The Backstreet Boys are going to write a song about us.
Set that shit on repeat and just let the mojo flow. The song will be a good way to get your girlfriend's top off as well as a great way to remove other things, like the paint from a wall or the galvanized coating off a nail.
Anyway, you want to know who made the news today for all the wrong reasons. And TVFR is going to serve it up to you on our multicoloured platform yet again and courtesy of your two favourite Victorians.
The platform can be the colours of mauve, taupe, sapphire, and canary yellow for those of you who choose not to use your imagination and like to be told what to think.
Firstly, to fat bastards, and Pakistan's President, General Pervez Musharif sat around sipping Chardonnay and nibbling canapes while observing his military boffins test firing a new cruise missile. As Musharif commented on the lovely spring weather, The Hindu reported everyone else within a 500km radius, and particularly those under the missile's flight path, promptly shat themselves.
Note to self, invest in adult diapers for the middle east.
TVFR isn't impressed by this sort of thing. We don't mind adult diapers, but building a missile capable of carrying a nuclear warhead across an international boundary means somewhere, someone in your country is getting their drinking water from a sewer because you've got your priorities abjectly arse-about.
"Skim the floaties. Thats right, now let it separate, good, skim again, mhmm, now I think they said to heat it on the fire for half an hour..."
Two fat bastards got together in Beijing to sign commercial agreements so their mates can be fatter bastards and send their fat bastard children to posh colleges in England and Baltimore. Mosnews reports Russian president Vladimir Putin and Chinese Plesident Hu Jintao are signing big fat contracts to supply one another with 15 different commodities including the construction of an oil pipeline from Russia into China, shipments of natural gas and as reliable a source of electricity as Russia can provide. (There was no discussion about trading in whale meat, a boutique Russian industry that has Alaskans melting glaciers in their collective fury.)
In return for all this purchase of fuel and energy, Chinese consortia are to build some billion dollar shack in St Petersburg and show president Putin's wife how to make those little spring rolls with the crispy skins.
The article says something more along the lines of "St. Petersburg Governor Valentina Matviyenko, China Eximbank President Li Ruo Gu and Shanghai United Foreign Investment Company Cai Laixing signed an agreement on strategic cooperation as part of the Baltic Pearl project, a $1-billion neighborhood in St. Petersburg which is supposed to be built by Chinese companies." but who are we to not belittle the big guns.
Actually, that's exactly what the article says - and who are we not to belittle the big guns?
Making fat bastards fatter, Forbes confirmed the observations made here by TVFR two days ago, the one about the television not being altogether conducive to a healthy lifestyle, but added their own two cents' worth in an effort to trump TVFR.
They have come to the conclusion that watching soap operas makes you dumber.
When Days of Our Lives is a day in your life, shoot yourself. You are a waste of air and food that could go to a starving child in a third world country who would grow up to take over the USoCNA, or drive a plane into it. Too soon to be making jokes? Get over it, you had your revenge when you started bombing hospitals "accidently" oh yeah I am in news now, "I aint s'pposed t' bring that shit up.
Forgot malaria, didn't you. Stoat.
I know this news is slightly older than that to which regular readers of TVFR are used, but here is official confirmation of what we would have told you if anyone had bothered to ask...
"MONDAY, March 20 (HealthDay News) -- Could Oprah and General Hospital be bad for your brain?" Could there possibly be any doubt? New research suggests that elderly women who watch daytime soap operas and talk shows are more likely to suffer from cognitive impairment than women who abstain from such fare.
Oprah sells books, when I write my perioud piece "Which Hand To Jerk Off With", I hope I get on her bookclub's "to read" list. I love how you thin blooded feminist's will all prescribe to what a female dictator says, but not always what an elected official will say.
We like the way this is worded, what it says makes us tremble with glee at the prospect of being proved right yet again. But most of all, we like it because it tells you what you really need to know, which is...
Turn off the television and go outside. You fat bastards.
"Woo look at me "I am trembling with the glee of a thousand schoolgirls"
OMG, you've been hanging around in Myspace again, haven't you.
TVFR is brought to you by AutoBoston.com and
You may be expecting something along the lines of a year reference for the number 1851. January 1, 1851 was a Monday. There, happy? Also this was the year news went for shit with The New York Times being founded.
One day earlier, we told you about the student unrest in Paris. Now, 4 days later, there are 926 people catching up to us.
Tell them what they've won! By the way, 926BC didn't see much action, just some stuff in Korea but you people don't even care about their nuclear weapons program so I won't bore you with thier culture.
Though fewer in number, the significance of 90-odd blatts updating the story on the Thai prime minister that we told you about a whole week ago proves yet again that TVFR is your best source of information EVER.
Aint he modest. But, straight from the lips of a god (we asked the ass end of a dog), this is the best radio news never simulcast to the globe.
We don't just bring you the newest news, we get into its cupboards and chew holes in its Weeties packets as well. We don't just bring you stories about what's going on, we make it relevant. Truly, very fucking relevant.
It's relevant... I swear, even if our tangents are not, the news we chew for you is real.
The Backstreet Boys are going to write a song about us.
Set that shit on repeat and just let the mojo flow. The song will be a good way to get your girlfriend's top off as well as a great way to remove other things, like the paint from a wall or the galvanized coating off a nail.
Anyway, you want to know who made the news today for all the wrong reasons. And TVFR is going to serve it up to you on our multicoloured platform yet again and courtesy of your two favourite Victorians.
The platform can be the colours of mauve, taupe, sapphire, and canary yellow for those of you who choose not to use your imagination and like to be told what to think.
Firstly, to fat bastards, and Pakistan's President, General Pervez Musharif sat around sipping Chardonnay and nibbling canapes while observing his military boffins test firing a new cruise missile. As Musharif commented on the lovely spring weather, The Hindu reported everyone else within a 500km radius, and particularly those under the missile's flight path, promptly shat themselves.
Note to self, invest in adult diapers for the middle east.
TVFR isn't impressed by this sort of thing. We don't mind adult diapers, but building a missile capable of carrying a nuclear warhead across an international boundary means somewhere, someone in your country is getting their drinking water from a sewer because you've got your priorities abjectly arse-about.
"Skim the floaties. Thats right, now let it separate, good, skim again, mhmm, now I think they said to heat it on the fire for half an hour..."
Two fat bastards got together in Beijing to sign commercial agreements so their mates can be fatter bastards and send their fat bastard children to posh colleges in England and Baltimore. Mosnews reports Russian president Vladimir Putin and Chinese Plesident Hu Jintao are signing big fat contracts to supply one another with 15 different commodities including the construction of an oil pipeline from Russia into China, shipments of natural gas and as reliable a source of electricity as Russia can provide. (There was no discussion about trading in whale meat, a boutique Russian industry that has Alaskans melting glaciers in their collective fury.)
In return for all this purchase of fuel and energy, Chinese consortia are to build some billion dollar shack in St Petersburg and show president Putin's wife how to make those little spring rolls with the crispy skins.
The article says something more along the lines of "St. Petersburg Governor Valentina Matviyenko, China Eximbank President Li Ruo Gu and Shanghai United Foreign Investment Company Cai Laixing signed an agreement on strategic cooperation as part of the Baltic Pearl project, a $1-billion neighborhood in St. Petersburg which is supposed to be built by Chinese companies." but who are we to not belittle the big guns.
Actually, that's exactly what the article says - and who are we not to belittle the big guns?
Making fat bastards fatter, Forbes confirmed the observations made here by TVFR two days ago, the one about the television not being altogether conducive to a healthy lifestyle, but added their own two cents' worth in an effort to trump TVFR.
They have come to the conclusion that watching soap operas makes you dumber.
When Days of Our Lives is a day in your life, shoot yourself. You are a waste of air and food that could go to a starving child in a third world country who would grow up to take over the USoCNA, or drive a plane into it. Too soon to be making jokes? Get over it, you had your revenge when you started bombing hospitals "accidently" oh yeah I am in news now, "I aint s'pposed t' bring that shit up.
Forgot malaria, didn't you. Stoat.
I know this news is slightly older than that to which regular readers of TVFR are used, but here is official confirmation of what we would have told you if anyone had bothered to ask...
"MONDAY, March 20 (HealthDay News) -- Could Oprah and General Hospital be bad for your brain?" Could there possibly be any doubt? New research suggests that elderly women who watch daytime soap operas and talk shows are more likely to suffer from cognitive impairment than women who abstain from such fare.
Oprah sells books, when I write my perioud piece "Which Hand To Jerk Off With", I hope I get on her bookclub's "to read" list. I love how you thin blooded feminist's will all prescribe to what a female dictator says, but not always what an elected official will say.
We like the way this is worded, what it says makes us tremble with glee at the prospect of being proved right yet again. But most of all, we like it because it tells you what you really need to know, which is...
Turn off the television and go outside. You fat bastards.
"Woo look at me "I am trembling with the glee of a thousand schoolgirls"
OMG, you've been hanging around in Myspace again, haven't you.
TVFR is brought to you by AutoBoston.com and
posted by ChatRat at Wednesday, March 22, 2006
0 Views:
Post a Comment
<< Home