April 2nd. The Day After.
Who would have believed us if we brought you the News from The View yesterday, hmm?
Nobody
Tired of picking on old subjects, save to highlight those we picked as having earned themselves Prize Clacker Awards, The Thai Prime Minister, the French Prime Minister and the Belarussian Prime Minister, to name but three and those three must be feeling like proper dopes now, I'm back in the saddle after a week of absence wondering if Anton will find time later today to do his bit.
One day later? Still good right? You can all blame the public school system for my absence this past week. Fuck education far as I am concerned.
For those who need to know what's going on here at TVFR, Anton is busy building the foundations for his future success. Me, I've been doing other things and neglecting TVFR because, well, doing it by myself isn't half the fun as doing it with Anton.
As a percentage the fun would be 0%. I am pretty sure that all the fun in news is derived from me. This could be untrue if you are one who can be amused by the giant cookie the bakery down the street made or the latest USoMNA gang shooting. Hell, some of you are still amused by the kill count to that little "war" *coughslaughtercough* happening in the country formerly known as Iraq.
I can tell you that because I don't often get to write with a co-author. He'll tell you that because he wants women to know he's the best lay since the Trans-Canada Highway. Whatever, modesty is bullshit 99% of the time anyway.
I like to be modest so people compliment me more, I call it fishing. For most of you Americans a good example is the government's internal public relations. Sure they kiss the babies but I think they might like better to have them with a side salad (Most of you can rest easy though, I think Bush may be allergic to minority children).
The cliff note for all of that is he's been busy studying and hasn't had time to enjoin the frivolity here.
If anyone wants a copy of the shit I had to do, too fucking bad.
The New York Times, however, is a different basket of apples (you say apple, I say potato). Our favourite paper (Paul's favourite, I am all about the communist papers) is quoting reports from The Christian Science Monitor concerning the release of journalist Jill Carroll. Now, when I was poking through the current daily news to bring the best of it to you, I read the whole Christian Science Monitor article - and almost puked.
Jill Carroll was being held captive in Iraq and apparently said some regretable things for the benefit of IH8U TV for Terrorists, which she said she (alliteration to emphasize the noun) was forced to say. The Monitor has a link to the video. It's ok, Jill really, we understand. Just remember, you're not alone. Most of the planet thinks Dubya is a dangerous idiot (Blasphemy! the god of the A-mare-ee-kans is not a dangerous idiot).
All I can say to the terrorists in respects to their next victim is, pick me you wankers, stop picking on these weak christian woman who grew up in the cellar of their pastor (too soon?) and try picking on someone with an educated slant on religeon (the slant that it may not in fact exist)
In China, Xinhua reports of an explosion in a Chinese Explosives (Imagine if it hadn't exploded, how pissed off the clients would have been, faulty explosives and all) manufacturing plant.
Besides reports of at least 20 casualties, the only other thing to report is the factory's Quality Control department was said to have got the biggest and shortest lived surprise in the history of surprises.
Wheres the suprise? Americans gave smoking to China for just this reason, they knew eventually it would kill someone other than Middle American housewives and has-been highschool quarterbacks.
My god, a week off really has an effect on you, doesn't it.
In more NY Times news, we hear tens of thousands of pilgrims flooded into St Peter's Square in the Vatican to ignore the new pope. The new pope has been there for one year, a fact which has the distinction of being the only bit of news that can produce a surprised yawn.
Well tens of thousands of Catholics congregated in St Peters yesterday to yawn at the people who turn dead people into saints(ahem Paul, magic dead people), because they haven't forgotten some miracle or other which JP2 apparently performed. Staying alive 10 years past his use-by (better known as a best-before) date isn't a miracle in this day of modern medicine. Just like the doctrine of eating fish on Friday, it seems delusional fantasies are alive and well in the cloisters (that is a place inside some churches, it's where they let the monks and Nuns etc. walk around - I explain for those of you who don't; go to church, read books, or play Diablo 2).
There was something else I wanted to bring to everyone's attention as well but I've forgotten what it was. That's how it goes sometimes, I suppose.
Maybe it was... the single scariest thing this side of the otherside. Lambuel the psychotic christian lamb.
Nobody
Tired of picking on old subjects, save to highlight those we picked as having earned themselves Prize Clacker Awards, The Thai Prime Minister, the French Prime Minister and the Belarussian Prime Minister, to name but three and those three must be feeling like proper dopes now, I'm back in the saddle after a week of absence wondering if Anton will find time later today to do his bit.
One day later? Still good right? You can all blame the public school system for my absence this past week. Fuck education far as I am concerned.
For those who need to know what's going on here at TVFR, Anton is busy building the foundations for his future success. Me, I've been doing other things and neglecting TVFR because, well, doing it by myself isn't half the fun as doing it with Anton.
As a percentage the fun would be 0%. I am pretty sure that all the fun in news is derived from me. This could be untrue if you are one who can be amused by the giant cookie the bakery down the street made or the latest USoMNA gang shooting. Hell, some of you are still amused by the kill count to that little "war" *coughslaughtercough* happening in the country formerly known as Iraq.
I can tell you that because I don't often get to write with a co-author. He'll tell you that because he wants women to know he's the best lay since the Trans-Canada Highway. Whatever, modesty is bullshit 99% of the time anyway.
I like to be modest so people compliment me more, I call it fishing. For most of you Americans a good example is the government's internal public relations. Sure they kiss the babies but I think they might like better to have them with a side salad (Most of you can rest easy though, I think Bush may be allergic to minority children).
The cliff note for all of that is he's been busy studying and hasn't had time to enjoin the frivolity here.
If anyone wants a copy of the shit I had to do, too fucking bad.
The New York Times, however, is a different basket of apples (you say apple, I say potato). Our favourite paper (Paul's favourite, I am all about the communist papers) is quoting reports from The Christian Science Monitor concerning the release of journalist Jill Carroll. Now, when I was poking through the current daily news to bring the best of it to you, I read the whole Christian Science Monitor article - and almost puked.
Jill Carroll was being held captive in Iraq and apparently said some regretable things for the benefit of IH8U TV for Terrorists, which she said she (alliteration to emphasize the noun) was forced to say. The Monitor has a link to the video. It's ok, Jill really, we understand. Just remember, you're not alone. Most of the planet thinks Dubya is a dangerous idiot (Blasphemy! the god of the A-mare-ee-kans is not a dangerous idiot).
All I can say to the terrorists in respects to their next victim is, pick me you wankers, stop picking on these weak christian woman who grew up in the cellar of their pastor (too soon?) and try picking on someone with an educated slant on religeon (the slant that it may not in fact exist)
In China, Xinhua reports of an explosion in a Chinese Explosives (Imagine if it hadn't exploded, how pissed off the clients would have been, faulty explosives and all) manufacturing plant.
Besides reports of at least 20 casualties, the only other thing to report is the factory's Quality Control department was said to have got the biggest and shortest lived surprise in the history of surprises.
Wheres the suprise? Americans gave smoking to China for just this reason, they knew eventually it would kill someone other than Middle American housewives and has-been highschool quarterbacks.
My god, a week off really has an effect on you, doesn't it.
In more NY Times news, we hear tens of thousands of pilgrims flooded into St Peter's Square in the Vatican to ignore the new pope. The new pope has been there for one year, a fact which has the distinction of being the only bit of news that can produce a surprised yawn.
Well tens of thousands of Catholics congregated in St Peters yesterday to yawn at the people who turn dead people into saints(ahem Paul, magic dead people), because they haven't forgotten some miracle or other which JP2 apparently performed. Staying alive 10 years past his use-by (better known as a best-before) date isn't a miracle in this day of modern medicine. Just like the doctrine of eating fish on Friday, it seems delusional fantasies are alive and well in the cloisters (that is a place inside some churches, it's where they let the monks and Nuns etc. walk around - I explain for those of you who don't; go to church, read books, or play Diablo 2).
There was something else I wanted to bring to everyone's attention as well but I've forgotten what it was. That's how it goes sometimes, I suppose.
Maybe it was... the single scariest thing this side of the otherside. Lambuel the psychotic christian lamb.
posted by ChatRat at Monday, April 03, 2006
0 Views:
Post a Comment
<< Home