April 6th. TVFR Day

Yes, that's right my pretties, it's TVFR Day brought to you by the numbers 36, 27 and 35 and the letters S.A.Y. N.O. T.O. T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S.

To quote a hypocrite, "Turn off the TV and go outside".

The Chicago Sun-Times has given TVFR a gift and presented it on a silver platter.

Really makes you proud to be anything but American doesn't it. At first I thought this was a very clever April Fools joke, but I was horribly mistaken. The fools of this post are the writers and editors at the Chicago Sun-Times that just happened to make a delightful bit of humor out of what we already knew to be fact, Americans eat more than they should, look uglier than they should and have sex with too many animals (You might know them as the pleasure barn inhabitants, assuming you're rural enough.)

When we saw the headline "Slim ray of hope in fat study", you can imagine our unmitigated glee. When I suggested to Anton we run riot with this, his response to me was - and I quote...

"Do it, I dare you, you manipulatable tub of enfestuous lard."

Paul really is anorexic on teh IRL doh, he dun ete nuffin never.

Then the caustic Canuck suggested I work Lambuel the Zealous Lamb of the Lord into this story. As if I don't have enough to do already.

How could you not link that amazing site! For those of you unenlightened heathens, a lesson in Christianity that even kids can understand. I give you Lambuel. Personal favourite, Habu the Hindo Elephant. "hey Haby, how many gods do you have?" "Habu: I don't know, I lost count" "Wouldn't you rather have one god that loves you alot than a bunch of gods that don't love you at all?

Anyway, "In 2003-2004, 33.2 percent of women in the United States were obese, a slight drop from 33.4 percent in 1999-2000."

Fat Women are a crime. If you think about it, you have to work HARDER to be fat, you have to eat _more_ than the rest of us. Don't let it get to you though fatties, there's always a train to bite.

That means one third of American women are not merely fat, one in every three women in the U.S.o M.N.A. is a buttermonster (The North American Butter Monster cannot in fact make any sound other than the gurgles made as air escapes its greased throat). Jim Carlson of Objective Ministries, creator of Lambuel the lamb views this a measure of his success, getting people to eat lambs for Jesus instead of eating burgers for Satan.

"Women tend to be the first to adopt healthy practices, and they eventually might pass those habits on to their children, said Dr. William Dietz, director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's division of nutrition and physical activity."

So, much, wordcrime...

I swear I did not make that up.
His name is Dietz!
His name really is Dietz.

Of course the implication is there are more corpulent (This means fat you retarded fat fatties) American men than there are corpulent American women and my guess is they're also more corpulent by comparison.

Ship them all to a big island til they sink it (with the weight) or give them a chance to fix it. If you are fat and don't want to be, we are here for you (I will even sponsor one of you fatties til you are a slim and proper individual, email me, no pictures). If you are fat and liking it, you are a fucked up individual, I hope you die of fat heart.

I wouldn't have brought up any of these food references. I sure as shit wouldn't have suggested shipping all the seppo fatties to a big island. I live on the biggest island on the planet, Anton, you turd. In fact I was thinking twice about even running with this story. Deep down I'm a compassionate soul, yes, I'm a very caring and sensitive person. I understand it's already a burden being laden and weighty so it's just not my style to make persons of obscene proportions feel worse than they already do by highlighting their problem.

That is exactly what I am for, realize that fat is not the place to be, ask friends and family (the ones that aren't fat asses) to help you, don't waste any more food or I will get the mob to sell you as feed to Ethiopia.

And "FAT" is an ugly little word.*Break*

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

*Resume*To two thirds of Americans - the two thirds who aren't big, brawny, broad, bulging, bulky, chunky, corpulent, distended, dumpy, elephantine, fleshy, gargantuan, gross, heavy, heavyset, hefty, husky, inflated, large, meaty, paunchy, plump, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, portly, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, solid, stout, stubby, swollen, thickset, tubby, weighty or whalelike - it's a downright revolting little word. It reminds them of their embarrassing compatriots.

Don't be embarassed, go to an effing gym, people won't laugh if you are trying to fix it (yes fix it, it is a PROBLEM).

(I will, but I'm a cunt.)

"Some experts said the bad news on kids and men outweighs the encouraging findings about women. In 2003-2004, 17.1 percent of kids were seriously overweight. That's up from 13.9 percent in 1999-2000 and roughly 5 percent in the 1970s."

Women, stop giving fat men the thought that they might have a chance, why need to be forced into radical changes to preserve their lives. Sure some of them are nice people, but they are going to die sooner.

Some experts, huh? I'm always sceptical when I see that sort of reporting. Some experts can be two blokes at the pub discussing how much they don't like abundant, ample, awkward,burdensome, copious, cumbrous, elephantine, enceinte, excessive, gravid, gross, hefty, huge, large, lead-footed, lumbering, massive, parturient, porcine, substantial, top-heavy, two ton, unmanageable, unwieldy, zaftig women and mulling over what better words there are than just "fat" to describe them.

I can't legally drink Paul, and I can't go to any bar that you go to because they are all like 12000 miles away.

All those adjectives are in alphabetical order because Paul used a thesaurus.

What do you think, Anton? (Not about thesaurus.com either.)

Fat people need to either die, or have a near death experience that makes them want to lose weight. Also, down with junk food, I hope everyone that eats the shit gets rapid onset diabetes and dies of a sugar overdose.
Yeah, I think that about wraps it up.